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All right men...sorry to have cancled your leave, but we've got a bit of a situation here. As you know, following the success of our winter compain against the ant menace, we've begun to scale back our military presence here. I know many of you are looking forward to being shipped out soon, and it appears that's exactly what the enemy has been counting on. According to our intelligence, they've been quietly building their forces in secret for quite some time..thank god they tipped their hand early.

At around 1700 last night the ant's 07th Airborn Division was dropped behind our lines, about 3 klicks out from the stove. Once they had secured the area they were reinforced by the entire 2nd Army. It was several hours before our scouts detected them, and by then they were already heavily entrenched, with a steady supply train running. I won't lie to you, it's not going to be easy to dig them out of there. Fortunately we've made some progress. We managed to quickly deploy two devisions to the front, who kept the ants busy long enough for Spec Ops to move in behind the enemy line. They've setup what we're calling the "Triple Threat", three large minefields placed between the enemy position and their supply train. We now have the enemy right were we want them, surrounded and cutoff from their shelter and supply, although that is also exactly when he is most dangerous...and let us not forget that the Ants have us severly outnumbered...but we have superior hardware, men, and training.

Now, we've redeployed the two divisions already in the field to the enemy flank, and you're being sent in to replace them. Your transports leave at 0800, so you'd better hit the mess while you can...courage men...give them hell.

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I was thinking more along the lines of the Holy Hand Grenade.

fuck that, break out fat mouse. ants are just another consumable in a long line of consumable to fat mouse.

Are you kidding? We'd lose the house anyway...we'd have to sell it to come up with the kind of cash Fatmouse charges for mercenary work.

We've considered this option, but our civilian advisors are of the opinion that the Ant's have an arsenal such that if we were to depoly nuclear weapons we'd have Assured Mutual Destruction.

I don't think mice eat ants...

how about a hungry Ardvaark?

Re: I don't think mice eat ants...

We called Geneva about that...they hung up :/

At ease, men. I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country...Men, the stuff we heard about America not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, was a lot of horsedung. Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. When you were kids you all admired the champion marble player, the fastest runner, the big league ballplayers, the toughest boxers. Americans love a winner and do not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost, and will never lose a war, for the very thought of losing is hateful to Americans. An army is a team. It lives, sleeps, eats, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a lot of crap. The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Saturday Evening Post don't know any more about real battle then they do about a sock full of silt. We have the finest food, equipment, the best spirit and men. I pity those poor bastards we're going against--by God, I do. We won't just shoot the bastards. We're going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those lousy ant bastards by the bushel. Many of you boys are wondering whether you'll chicken out under fire. Don't worry about it; I can assure you you will all do your duty. The Ants are the enemy. Wade into them and spill their blood. Shoot them in the belly. When you stick your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face...you'll know what to do. There's another thing I want you to remember. I don't want to get any messages saying: "We are holding our position." We're not holding anything. Let the Ant do that. We are advancing constantly and are not interested in holding anything, except onto the enemy. We're going to hold on to him by the antenna and kick him in the ass. We'll kick the hell out of him all the time. We'll go through them like crap through a goose. There's one thing you men will be able to say when you get home. You may all thank God for it. Thirty years from now, when you are sitting around the fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks what you did in the great Ant War, you won't have to say, "I shoveled shit in Louisiana." All right--now you sonsuvbitches know how I feel. I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle anytime, anywhere.

That is all.

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